if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
