Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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