I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
