I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
