they need to just BURY HIM!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize