arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
