When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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