Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
