How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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