Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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