end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
