ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
