I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
