I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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