I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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