Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
