Pants 0. Shit 1.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
