I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just pee around me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
