did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
