can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
