She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
