Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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