idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
