I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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