Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
