dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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