I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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