It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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