After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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