I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
