He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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