im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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