Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
