This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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