I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
