you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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