So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
