pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
