She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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