She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize