Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
