i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
