Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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