It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
