It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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