The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
