I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
