Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
