my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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