I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
