like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
