Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.

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  (443): Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her. http://tfl.nu/u8d4
  Replies (3) Good night (1579) Bad night (490)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.

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  (215): So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her. http://tfl.nu/lt69
  Replies (23) Good night (967) Bad night (4078)
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  (909): View more from California

  how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?

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  (909): how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close? http://tfl.nu/7d45
  Replies (33) Good night (523) Bad night (4080)
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  (805): View more from California

  my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

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  (805): my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/fiwi
  Replies (43) Good night (1443) Bad night (14390)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

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  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
  Replies (28) Good night (4320) Bad night (1277)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.

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  (941): Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick. http://tfl.nu/3ndf
  Replies (15) Good night (1731) Bad night (6019)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.

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  (701): I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships. http://tfl.nu/filq
  Replies (12) Good night (3853) Bad night (1169)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.

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  (509): My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina. http://tfl.nu/xxcl
  Replies (9) Good night (3076) Bad night (1199)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.

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  (505): Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking. http://tfl.nu/b01w
  Replies (37) Good night (1292) Bad night (5185)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

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  (905): Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights. http://tfl.nu/cnu2
  Replies (4) Good night (2373) Bad night (846)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.

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  (812): Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do. (812): Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this. http://tfl.nu/m912
  Replies (10) Good night (1458) Bad night (591)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window

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  (309): well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window http://tfl.nu/010r
  Replies (12) Good night (488) Bad night (981)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?

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  (774): What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/2yid
  Replies (9) Good night (346) Bad night (1363)
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  (619): View more from California

  I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.

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  (619): I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers. http://tfl.nu/goy8
  Replies (3) Good night (648) Bad night (251)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."

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  (267): haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it." http://tfl.nu/wf20
  Replies (0) Good night (694) Bad night (265)

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