And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.