Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
