and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....