life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things