dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the room spins SO much faster in panama
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff