I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life