I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
