dude i'm inner monologue high
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
