Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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