I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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