When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
