U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your cock deserves a montage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
