He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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