Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
