You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
