susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
