Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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