Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
