I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
