I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
