it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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