Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
