He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
