There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
