allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
