...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
