in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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