You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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