is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
