the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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