I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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