You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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