it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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